John W. Gardner quoted “Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.”
I figure life is more like drawing in permanent marker! Life has not always been easy. In fact life was pretty difficult when I was young. Mistakes seemed ever so permanent. I also thought everything was permanent. I was surely going to be in school forever! It was going to be a living hell for eternity in my first marriage. I loved those television shows that rewind bits of time and have a do-over – but life is not like that at all!
I made some poor decisions – a ton of them actually! They were the best I could have made at the time given the circumstances and what I knew then. Even some of the choices I made I had other information but not the courage to choose differently.
I made many mistakes, some humongous whoppers! Lots were not as important but most were UN-doable and UN-fixable. The consequences have been set and delivered. Guilt came with lots of them along with resentment and anger of others. I wanted it to be somebody else’s fault, not mine! I couldn’t have been responsible for all that carnage. All this made the consequences seem unbearable. I came through it all whole – intact. I just didn’t know how well my life would turn out even with all those mistakes and poor choices.
If each not so good decision was written with permanent marker so were the good ones. Like my two sons from the marriage from hell as well as my beloved. So I suppose, will the better choices be that I make today with of all the amazing learning opportunities from my past. This is good information for me. I no longer have to carry the weight of those past horrors I survived, the past choices and blunders that I made as I moved along my life learning, growing and maturing.
I cannot erase my past and have a do-over, and in fact I am quite comfortable with it. I am quite good enough, thank you very much! My experiences were just that, my experiences. My life and all that came from it, wee born of all my choices, decisions, errors, blips, boo-boos, slips and miscalculations. My ego has been bumped, bruised, hurt, wounded, broken and healed over and over again. I am grateful for the humbling experiences gained along the path. I am not or ever will be perfect; nor am I alone.
If life was art, I would be a Picasso! You sometimes couldn’t quite see what I was aiming to draw but it went down in history none the less. I am quite sure what we saw from Picasso was his best stuff! My best stuff is yet to be, and you can rest assured it will be done in permanent marker for all to see in black and white, whether I like it or not. Gracefully or clumsily I will continue on just like Picasso. Just doing the best I can, given what I know, the circumstances and courage I have at the time. Just knowing that we are not alone makes the ride seem a little bit more interesting.